Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Let's Be Fair
Too often we scrutinize certain people while letting others off the hook. For example, drunk drivers are harshly treated, even if they haven’t actually caused an accident. Meanwhile there are lots of rude drivers who weave in and out of traffic, cut you off, and tailgate. How often do people get their license suspended for driving while an asshole? How many drivers are ordered by the court to attend asshole education courses? What about the elderly who have lost enough of their faculties to become a menace on the roads? Why don’t we administer driving tests and take their licenses away if they fail? I’ll tell you why: because these people vote. It would be professional suicide for a politician to enact such legislation. Forget about public safety; public officials need to take care of themselves! So we continue to let some dangerous people drive, while others can’t merely because their reason for being dangerous is alcohol rather than rudeness, blindness or decrepitude.
Parenting, or, as I call it, unlicensed child care, is another area of double standards. If you want to adopt a child, the authorities do a background investigation and assess whether they think you’d be a good parent. But any ignorant, lazy, critical, demanding, fork-tongued, racist jerk can procreate and raise dysfunctional children, because it’s our God-given right. Why don’t we screen prospective parents and prevent the bad apples from breeding? Why must adoptive parents have to undergo a screening process that biological parents don’t? The fact that two people have fully functioning sperm and eggs does not make their offspring any less vulnerable to bad parenting than orphans are. People who lack functioning reproductive cells have suffered enough; do we have to add to their misery by putting them under a microscope and possibly shatter their dreams by having a social worker tell them that they can’t adopt because they don’t live in a good enough neighborhood, while inner city crack whores pump out tiny welfare recipients?
At jobs all across America employees are forced to take classes like “How to Deal With Difficult People”. Wouldn’t it be more cost-effective to send the difficult people to a class called “How Not to Be an Asshole”? I mean, why make 98% of the people take a class because 2% are schmucks? Why not make the 2% take a self-improvement class so they can get along better with those of us who already know how? By acknowledging “difficult” people as a group, and taking measures to cater to them, we are legitimizing their unpleasant demeanor. What we need to do is make them stop being so tough to get along with. For example, when they say or do something annoying, the rest of us should be allowed to punch them in the head.
Parenting, or, as I call it, unlicensed child care, is another area of double standards. If you want to adopt a child, the authorities do a background investigation and assess whether they think you’d be a good parent. But any ignorant, lazy, critical, demanding, fork-tongued, racist jerk can procreate and raise dysfunctional children, because it’s our God-given right. Why don’t we screen prospective parents and prevent the bad apples from breeding? Why must adoptive parents have to undergo a screening process that biological parents don’t? The fact that two people have fully functioning sperm and eggs does not make their offspring any less vulnerable to bad parenting than orphans are. People who lack functioning reproductive cells have suffered enough; do we have to add to their misery by putting them under a microscope and possibly shatter their dreams by having a social worker tell them that they can’t adopt because they don’t live in a good enough neighborhood, while inner city crack whores pump out tiny welfare recipients?
At jobs all across America employees are forced to take classes like “How to Deal With Difficult People”. Wouldn’t it be more cost-effective to send the difficult people to a class called “How Not to Be an Asshole”? I mean, why make 98% of the people take a class because 2% are schmucks? Why not make the 2% take a self-improvement class so they can get along better with those of us who already know how? By acknowledging “difficult” people as a group, and taking measures to cater to them, we are legitimizing their unpleasant demeanor. What we need to do is make them stop being so tough to get along with. For example, when they say or do something annoying, the rest of us should be allowed to punch them in the head.
