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According to the President’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities (http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/pcpid), 7-8 million Americans (3% of the population) experience intellectual disabilities. I find that a rather conservative estimate. It’s more like 87%. And I’m not talking about people who were born with physical brain disorders such as Down’s syndrome, autism and the like; those people have legitimate disabilities. I’m referring to the majority of people who are idiots by their own choice.

I’m not going to give examples of stupidity. You see plenty of that in your everyday activities, such as watching American Idol (those people are idiots for thinking they have talent, and you’re an idiot for watching). What I’m going to do is suggest a few steps that moron Americans could take in order to raise the average IQ above that of vegetation:

1) Scrape that “My kid is an honor roll student” bumper sticker off your vehicle. If you were honest, that bumper sticker would say something like, “My kid’s a fucking moron like I am.”

2) Trade that SUV in for a civilian vehicle. What are you trying to do, invade Poland? What good is 4-wheel drive or big tires when the most adventurous place you ever go to is the mall? You ignorant, pampered bag of excrement.

3) Stop watching Survivor. It’s absurd contests and “alliances” and backstabbing. Is your life so empty that you have to fill your evening with this debris? Hey, here’s a preposterous idea: read a fuckin’ book.

4) Stop seeing a shrink and/or taking psychotropic drugs. How about just accepting that the universe was not designed to make you happy? Did that ever occur to you? People all over the world are dying from disease and starvation. They’re being shot and stabbed and raped and wrongfully imprisoned. What’s your biggest problem? That your coworkers or family members make you stressed? You need consultation and medication for that? Pussy.

5) Get off your fat ass. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but the reason you’re so fat is that you eat too much and expend too little energy. No, you don’t have a glandular problem. You are a typical lazy American, and that is why you’re fat. You fat fuck.

So Ted Kennedy has brain cancer. I’m surprised he wasn’t also diagnosed with rectal cancer, considering he’s had his head up his ass for the last 50 years.

Remember Chappaquiddick? For those of you who’ve been living under a rock, he got drunk and drove a car off a bridge into the Chappaquiddick River in the late 1960s. He managed to escape, but his passenger, campaign worker Mary Jo Kopechne, drowned in the submerged car. He left the scene of the accident and did not call authorities until the following day. He pled guilty to leaving the scene of an accident and received a suspended sentence of two months in jail.

Of course, his supporters don’t see it that way. Anyone who’s a Democrat, or a womanizer, or an alcoholic, or Irish, or Catholic, or a drunken Irish Catholic, tries to twist things to make him look good. For example, the July 19, 1969 Dublin Dispatch, run by Irish Catholics, said:

... Senator Kennedy made a valiant attempt at saving the young woman ... He took the only reasonable course and swam about 400 yards to a nearby hotel and prayed 12 hours. ... “It shows that the good senator has a true heart and is a good Catholic,” said Bishop Art O’Connell. “He obviously did all he could under the difficult and dangerous circumstances.”

How do these morons know that he made any rescue attempt at all? For all we know he’s a coward who fled the scene and is actually glad the woman drowned because he was fucking her and this way no one would ever find out. The bishop claimed that Kennedy “obviously” did all he could. I’m surprised Mr. O’Connell bothered to take his dick out of his altar boy’s ass and talk to the press. The only thing the senator “obviously” did was cost some innocent woman her life. And just what makes him a “good Catholic”? That he committed vehicular manslaughter and saved his own skin? Just another example of people trying to make one of their own sound better than he actually is because it reflects well on them.

The article quotes Ulster Party chancellor David Clancy as saying, “A good, good man from a good, good family.”

This is the Kennedys he’s talking about.

The article concludes with:

Observers pointed out that the senator did not have to attempt again and again to save the life of Miss Mary Jo Kopechne. “He did that out of his own sense of moral responsibility,” said Molly O’Toole.

Well, Miss O’Toole (or should I say Tool?), I guess no one has to help their friends. We should expect everyone to leave friends to die, and praise them when they attempt to help. Nice set of values you got there, but what can we expect from a religion that has a history of raping little boys, beating children for being left-handed, and murdering and torturing anyone who doesn’t share their stupid beliefs?

I’m glad I didn’t post my actual name here, because if I did, some religious nut would come after me, because that kind of imbecile has nothing better to do.

Who are the biggest racists in America? The Ku Klux Klan? Nope. Rush Limbaugh? Not even close. Our worst racists aren't even white. They are Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.

I can hear the liberal knee-jerk reaction now: "How can you say that? These men have done so much to help the oppressed black people." Oh, puh-leeze. Go back to www.imastupidloser.com and shut the fuck up.

Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson don't give a shit about the black community. Their sole purpose is to gain money and power for themselves. The only time they come to black people's "aid" is when there's a potential racial issue. They fan the flames of racism in order to extort money and contracts. (Remember Sharpton's role in the Tawana Brawley hoax?) They threaten white politicians, Burger King, and anyone else they can with lawsuits and the loss of black votes or business if they don't pay "damages" or give lucrative jobs and contracts to certain black people (e.g. Jesse Jackson's family and friends - do some Web research on this if you don't believe me). When there's a non-racial problem that hurts the black community, such as the breakup of black families (more than half of black children are born out of wedlock and are raised by a single parent or another relative), Sharpton and Jackson are nowhere to be found. Why? Because they see no possible benefit to themselves: there are no white politicians or lucrative businesses from which to extort money and favors. They prefer to travel the racial circuit, pretending to be outraged whenever there's a camera pointed at them, and collect fees for many of their public appearances. These frauds will never speak at an inner city church or school pro bono, the way Bill Cosby does. Their slimy existence consists of angering black people with cries of "racism" while grabbing money and power for themselves and fathering illegitimate children.

I wish a black person would have written this, because when it comes from a Caucasian, some idiots will accuse the writer of being a racist. Chris Rock can say that there are black people and there are niggers, but if a white person says the same thing, he's "attacking blacks." No I'm not, and if you think I am, I wish I could reach through your computer and wring your sorry neck, you fucking cretin.

I’m tired of folks praising people merely for existing. Every person in this politically correct climate must be made to feel special because God forbid anyone should feel that he or she is anything but stellar.

Nowhere is this admiration of the mundane more prevalent than with children. Even rambunctious demons are handled with kid gloves because to tell some little bastard that he’s heading for a knuckle sandwich might hurt his fragile ego. I’m not advocating child abuse, but I am advocating discipline. Children need to be told when they’re misbehaving, and if that makes them feel uncomfortable, then perhaps that will provide the incentive necessary for them to stop pissing everyone off.

Kids are being turned into pussies because parents don't have the balls to smack them when they deserve it, or even tell them when they're being whiny little shits. So we've got a spoiled, soft generation of Gameboy-playing turds. And it's the parents' fault for coddling them and giving them every opportunity and walking on eggshells lest they shatter their progeny's fragile ego. Ooh, little Jacob's self-esteem might be hurt if we tell him that it's not okay to use the living room as a demolition derby arena and not pick up after himself. I say the bastard oughta clean the chimney and go to bed without dinner. Maybe that'll get through his TV-addicted skull.

Discipline is simple conditioning. Any animal can be taught to behave a certain way. For example, if your dog is in the middle of doing something naughty, and you scold/punish him as he’s doing it, he will be less likely to do it again. If he does it again, then the first lesson didn’t stick, but perhaps after the second or third time getting caught and punished, he will cease that behavior. Kids learn the same way. Now, I’m not for a moment suggesting that dogs are equal to kids – dogs are much cuter – but if a dog can be taught, so can a child.

If there’s anything worse than overdisciplining, it’s underdisciplining. Some people refuse to keep their kids in line for fear of hurting their feelings, and the result is that their kids end up being a nuisance to everyone else and perhaps becoming adult criminals. A little “uncomfortable” intervention early in life is better than psychiatrists and prisons having to take major corrective actions later.

To praise someone who does not deserve it is to encourage inaction. Anyone can be born and receive gifts. It is also easy to eat, sleep, watch TV and play with toys. No one should be told that they’re wonderful or special merely because they are enjoying things that they did not earn. What does deserve praise is personal accomplishments, such as doing a household chore or getting an A on a report. This is how we encourage work and results – the things that make society function. To praise everyone equally, no matter what they do, is to take away some incentive from the movers and shakers, and encourage the lazy to continue being useless shitbags.

Too often we scrutinize certain people while letting others off the hook. For example, drunk drivers are harshly treated, even if they haven’t actually caused an accident. Meanwhile there are lots of rude drivers who weave in and out of traffic, cut you off, and tailgate. How often do people get their license suspended for driving while an asshole? How many drivers are ordered by the court to attend asshole education courses? What about the elderly who have lost enough of their faculties to become a menace on the roads? Why don’t we administer driving tests and take their licenses away if they fail? I’ll tell you why: because these people vote. It would be professional suicide for a politician to enact such legislation. Forget about public safety; public officials need to take care of themselves! So we continue to let some dangerous people drive, while others can’t merely because their reason for being dangerous is alcohol rather than rudeness, blindness or decrepitude.

Parenting, or, as I call it, unlicensed child care, is another area of double standards. If you want to adopt a child, the authorities do a background investigation and assess whether they think you’d be a good parent. But any ignorant, lazy, critical, demanding, fork-tongued, racist jerk can procreate and raise dysfunctional children, because it’s our God-given right. Why don’t we screen prospective parents and prevent the bad apples from breeding? Why must adoptive parents have to undergo a screening process that biological parents don’t? The fact that two people have fully functioning sperm and eggs does not make their offspring any less vulnerable to bad parenting than orphans are. People who lack functioning reproductive cells have suffered enough; do we have to add to their misery by putting them under a microscope and possibly shatter their dreams by having a social worker tell them that they can’t adopt because they don’t live in a good enough neighborhood, while inner city crack whores pump out tiny welfare recipients?

At jobs all across America employees are forced to take classes like “How to Deal With Difficult People”. Wouldn’t it be more cost-effective to send the difficult people to a class called “How Not to Be an Asshole”? I mean, why make 98% of the people take a class because 2% are schmucks? Why not make the 2% take a self-improvement class so they can get along better with those of us who already know how? By acknowledging “difficult” people as a group, and taking measures to cater to them, we are legitimizing their unpleasant demeanor. What we need to do is make them stop being so tough to get along with. For example, when they say or do something annoying, the rest of us should be allowed to punch them in the head.

I burn DVDs. Yes, I flout that stupid warning they put at the beginning of every movie that threatens you with a $250,000 fine or 5 years imprisonment for reproducing it, even for personal home use. Fuck you, you Hollywood pricks. Come and get me.

They treat their product as though it's valuable. Well, some movies are absolute pieces of shit. For example, anything starring Hugh Grant. I would never burn any of his movies, except maybe in effigy.

A 10-cent piece of plastic doesn't deserve any kind of copy protection. Corporate assholes hired a bunch of soulless lawyers to get legislation passed in order to protect their own pocket books. The bitch of it is that these empty suits do none of the real work. For example, producers. They don't act. They don't direct. They don't write. All they do is schmooze and shill and maybe suck a few cocks in order to strike deals with other rich cum stains. I hope they all get AIDS and die.

If these dingbats really want to maximize movie revenues, then how about not paying lead actors 8 figures to star in them? Julia Roberts is not a necessary part of any production. She has a bony ass and her mouth looks like a vagina. There are plenty of unknown actresses who would gladly do a better job than her for about one percent of what she demands. She and all these other overpriced actors make more fuckin' money on one picture than you and I combined will earn in our entire lives. They go to posh parties in limos and stupid fans revere them as gods. It makes me want to puke my Wendy's cheeseburger all over my Blockbuster card.

You know why the same old actors keep getting starring roles? Because birdbrain movie fans want to see the same old same old. Some brain defect makes them want to see the same actress be a nurse in one movie, a prostitute in another, and a lawyer in another. Why not get a fresh face on the scene? And if we could pay her less, then maybe these goddamn movie theaters could charge less than $9 per ticket, Nah, that'll never happen because there are so many morons willing to pay it. They have huge screen televisions and 350 cable channels and DVD players at home, but they have to go to the theater and drop $50 so they and their spoiled kids can spend two hours eating salt and butter and drinking sugar and caffeine in a dark room that has a floor that's stickier than Monica Lewinsky's dress.

I'm tired of energy "experts" telling me to keep my tires inflated in order to save fossil fuel. How about schmucks who drive two hours to and from work each day in their SUVs? Funny how the "experts" don't mention them. Maybe tankers could stop spilling 5 million gallons of oil into the sea every year. You think that might save some energy, you ignorant, self-important pricks?

The amount of energy squandered by Americans is astounding. Driving to Starbucks for a double mocha fudgepacking frappuccino. Sprinklers running all day. Lights on all night. Air conditioning all summer. Three-hour trips to the beach. Snowblowers. Going to Walmart to buy more shit they don't need. Eight gazillion restaurants. These lemmings think that all this stuff just happens, that the air and landscape don't get raped like an Appalachian girl on her 12^th birthday.

My saving energy won't do a fucking bit of good unless all you oil-addicted shitstains do your part too. When I ride my bicycle to the store, I seethe with resentment when I see all these soccer moms in their minivans and those small-dicked excuses for men in their pickup trucks. So my riding a bike means that there are 299,999,999 vehicles burning fuel instead of 300,000,000. Big fucking deal.

Most people are fat, lazy resource hogs, and as long as corporations keep pumping out fuel and stocking department stores with crap, the general population will keep on mindlessly consuming, like E. coli except not quite as intelligent.

Fuck you all, and I hope you die in a car crash on the way to the beach.